Guilt.

Guilt.

It's a heavy word. And honestly, I think it's the companion of most working mothers (or maybe all mothers? Not sure about that one).

On one hand, I need to work for financial reasons, and I love the fulfillment, intellectual stimulation, socializing, and growth I get at work. I've always been the type to want structure, and I like that work gives a framework to my week.

On the other hand, time is short and babies grow up SO fast. I worry that I'm missing the essence of my time with her, and that I won't realize that until it's too late.

Sometimes I fantasize about being home all day, about long mornings spent reading books and drinking hot cocoa while the rain pours outside, and afternoons occupied with cooking and baking and (finally) putting up those living room curtains.

But then I remind myself, I don't think ANYONE's life is like that. At least not all the time:)

And other times, I think, "I'm glad I'm not at home full time. I would get lonely and depressed and wonder how to fill my hours." And that's not 100% true either.

That's the tough thing about this life we are given--you only get one shot, and you have to figure it out as you go. I hope I'm making the right decisions. I hope I'm doing what's best for me, for her, and for our family in general. My life is happy and good and full of things I love--but sometimes I still wonder if I've gotten it right.

Tell me, am I the only one? Do YOU struggle with guilt in the decisions you make?

Simply Wonderful.

Being a mom has been the hardest thing I've ever done--it's was hard to get here, and I often worry that I'm not doing/savoring/worrying enough. But at the end of the day, I really love her, and love being with her.

I may not be the perfect mom, or have the perfect schedule, or the perfect anything. But you know what?

Source

So true.

I made this layout a while ago, and I wanted it to express just the pure joy I feel about my girl.

And a close-up:

The title is made out of a K & Co. sticker. Can I just say that I LOVE products that mimic the Silhouette? A lot cheaper, and no complicated technology to use! (I may try to the Sil one day. But it would involve a lot of money and time I don't have at the moment!)

My girl is simply wonderful. She gives me "kisses" that are really head bops, hugs me all the time, and started waving her finger as a "no" if I offer her a food she's not the in the mood for. Love:)

What's simply wonderful in YOUR life right now?

Happy & Sad

This week has been a busy one in the Jewish calendar (Although, when is it not? Ha!)

Monday was Yom Hazikaron, Memorial Day in Israel. It's generally a sad, serious day.  My little sister wrote a school project about a soldier who died in the Yom Kippur War, and contacted the soldier's family to get some photos of him. They were so happy to hear from her and sent her tons of photos and letters of him.

In the middle of an already sad day, I found out along with the rest of the world about the Boston Marathon. It's just unbelievable--in one moment, so much changed forever.

After all the sadness of Monday, it was hard to shift to Yom Haatzmaut, Israeli Independence Day, today.  But I tried, and going to the fun events around town did cheer me up.

One of the benefits of working in a Jewish organization is that I can head to a Yom Haatzmaut part-ay in the middle of the day!  There was a BBQ with tons of people hanging out on the grass and indoors.

There was cotton candy....

And yummy looking "blue and whites"

There were segways (although I totally forgot to find them and ride them) and balloons!

I was pumped.

Clearly:)

Ellie also got in on the fun at school. I love that they make paper hats for almost every occassion:)

AND Ellie and I BOTH (completely unintentionally) wore blue and white today. Sweet!

Today was a good dose of happy. I'm still feeling sad about what happened in Boston, and still trying to think of a way to honor the gravity of what happened but still move forward. But today was good for my soul.

What is making YOU happy (or sad) right now?

Hello 2013

I know, I know--we've already said hello to 2013 a while ago. But I still have a layout on the topic to share!

I wrote about where I am in life right now and some goals I have for the year.

I used a fun Studio Calico add-on for this--although I can't for the life of me remember which one!

And just to show you the fun new rug in Ellie's room (which has the softest, prettiest light of the whole house!)

You can also see my photo taking system here--put the layout on top of a white box, find awesome light, and snap away (and get a crick in your back trying to keep the camera perfectly straight, but hey!)

In terms of goals, I wrote about wanting to learn to relax better, and I'm still working on that. But off to take a nice, relaxing shower right now!

Have YOU kept up with your resolutions this year?

Pesach 2013

Hello! After a week of being buried in kosher for Passover desserts (hello, macaroons!) and tinfoil, I'm back to the land of regular life!

Our Passover was wonderful, sometimes relaxing and sometimes not, but always an experience--which I'm guessing is life with a toddler!

The shenanigans began with a family trip to Pomegranate, a kosher Whole Foods-esque store in Brooklyn. (On a side note, for an interesting NY Times article on Pomegranate and the frum, aka Orthodox, community, see here.)

Source: http://www.nycreligion.info/?p=9196

At Pomegranate, we selected lots of yummy prepared foods and snacks to cover the seders and first few days of the holiday.

A certain little lady was very helpful hanging out in her cart:)

On Passover/Pesach, the first two days are sort of like Shabbos, with no cell phone/computer/internet/lights turning on and off, etc. Then the middle days are a weekday/holiday hybrid, and the last two days are holidays (like Shabbos) again. Confused? Let me know and I'll take another stab at it:)

Since I don't use a camera on the holiday days, I have no photos of the seder, but it was really interesting and fun. I realized too late that I had forgotten my giant blowup frog (reference to Plague #2, if you're wondering) but you win some, you lose some:) We spent the seders with my grandparents and my brother in Brooklyn.

Once we left Brooklyn two days later, we got our kitchen in gear to cook for the rest of the holiday. This involved covering the counters and appliances with a LOT of tinfoil. Like so.

For those who aren't so familiar, on Passover we don't eat any leavened bread (which basically covers bread, cookies, cakes, crackers, noodles, etc) and Ashkenazi Jews don't eat any rice or legumes either. So recipe-wise, you have to get creative. I do have a mean kosher for Passover chocolate chip cookie recipe, and that's what gets me through!

The whole leavened-bred thing also includes a ban on having it in your house, and the night before Passover we do a "chametz (aka unleavened bread) hunt" using a spoon, feather and candle. 

For the last two days of the holiday, we hosted some friends of ours and spent time reading, eating good food, and enjoying being home:)

And to top it off, a certain someone started saying "Mommy"

:)

So tell me, what celebrations have YOU been having this spring?